If you follow Adrian “Buckaroogirl” Brannan on Instagram, you may know she’s overseas experiencing the wonders of the United Kingdom. She’s learning a lot from her U.K. trip, and she’s enjoying every second.
When she needed a break from her everyday life, she decided on a U.K. trip to heal her heart and center herself. From Buckingham Palace to Stonehenge to the cliffs of Scotland, she’s wandering, living in the moment, and appreciating the world around her.
To mark her wonderful U.K. trip, she composed a special “Dear Cowgirl”:
A while ago, I got terribly restless.
The kind of restless I get that ended in me packing up my truck and leaving that one time (see the Youtube video HERE) and the other times you never have heard about because…well, some things must be kept sacred.
This trip was something I had been wanting and needing for a long time, visiting back where I was raised…well, partially raised. I wasn’t raised on a ranch, or in any one place in particular. I was raised, as a friend most recently put it, “a citizen of the world.” I like that; it rings true.
I cannot seem to claim any one place as home still, whether it be California or Utah or the road or a hotel or Scotland or Ukraine or Nevada or a tiny flat in west London. I don’t know that not belonging isn’t a bad thing; it simply makes every place I rest for a while that much more beautiful because for a moment in time – it is home.
I missed Scotland more than I can say, but I also just missed the feeling of being lost and alone and wandering. The feeling of spending days wearing no makeup and writing until my hands cramp, and other days in false eyelashes and too much blush while drinking with chefs I just met and wearing impractical dresses bought on the fly for £12 and a smile at the register girl. The feeling of cold toes and a heart warmed by the beautiful Italian woman you’ve made friends with, the UNI students who ask how they will know what they should do with their life…and your answer of still looking. Of packing bags and unpacking bags and buying scones and scalding tea and too much whisky and too little salad and so many miles walked your heart begins to mend itself.
Because let’s face it: it has been a little broken. A little lost. And a little bit happy to realize that the crack in a heart was better once it finally broke. And sometimes you have to recognize it and wander a little to find the bits that will rebuild it. And once it is rebuilt, it will beat brighter and harder and faster and more beautiful than ever before. I needed a break from work, from pressure and people and “hey, how are you?” and painful memories and static living.
Dear Cowgirl, I hope you recognize when you need to rebuild your heart. You don’t have to always go to Scotland to find the bits it’s missing; your “Scotland” might be something totally different, but go find it. Your pretty heart deserves it. Even if someone told you it wasn’t worth loving, it wasn’t worth fighting for or keeping. Your pretty heart is worth it to me, to us. To the world. You are loved. So very loved, and so very believed in.
All my love from Scotland,