You wake up in the morning, shower, brush your teeth and hair, dress yourself, and maybe apply a bit of makeup. As women, we have rituals that we undergo that help us to feel more confident physically as we step out and face the world each day. How we choose to present ourselves is our way of telling the world at large who we are at a glance. Before people get to know anything more about us, they see what we’re presenting to them on the surface, and most of us spend a fair amount of time on this presentation… but what about your home? If you’re trying to attract a potential partner, you’ve probably thought a lot about your physical appearance, but have you ever stopped to consider what your home tells people about you?
Believe it or not, the way we keep our homes says infinitely more about us than the way we style our hair or what clothes we choose to wear. It can tell people about your state of mind, your psyche and your ego. And for someone like me—an elite matchmaker Love Architect who people seek out when they are having trouble finding a mate—your home can tell me why you’re either attracting love or repelling it.
Whether you’re seeking to refine your existing love relationship into a happier, healthier and more fulfilling one or you’re still looking to attract your soul mate into your life, a closer look at your home will help you understand what is working for you and what “love blocks” you need to overcome. From you women living the true country dream with wide-open spaces all around to you city cowgirls living in an apartment or condo, let’s take a tour of your home with an eye on taking account of its readiness for love.
A Love Tour of Your Home
Let’s start with the feeling people get when they approach your home from the outside. Is it welcoming? Is your yard, if any, well kept? Do you have visible clutter around? Is the outside of your home in disrepair? What does your front door look like, this door that is the entryway to your sacred home space? The entrance to your home should make someone feel excited to walk through the front door, not fearful of what’s inside.
What do you immediately notice when you stand back and look at your home? Consider what emotions you observe coming up about what stands out most to you. Are you proud of what you see? Do you feel ashamed of what you see? Consider what a potential partner might perceive when taking in this same view. Things like a yard full of overgrown weeds can signal to a potential mate that you are not taking care of yourself or giving yourself the love you deserve. Wild flowers or wild grass can be a unique showing of who you are, but not if they’re so wild and messy and full of thorns that their beauty is lost. A potential partner can easily be turned off by this air of carelessness.
You may also have lawn ornaments and other outdoor decorations. These can be sweet or cute, but trust me when I say they can also be way over the top. If you love horses, dogs or cats there’s nothing wrong with a sweet, simple, cool or artsy ornament, but if you have a big, elaborate, cheeky piece of door art or massive yard ornaments, that can be a bit scary to someone you’re trying to attract.
Let’s face it: People like simplicity, organization and order and we dislike encountering other people’s clutter (even if we are cluttered ourselves). Your partner wants to see and feel that you are in control of who you are and where you are in your life. The way your home and yard look from the outside, as ridiculous as it may seem, communicates whether or not you have your life together!
Inside your home, comfort and personal touches reveal your genuine personality. One big mistake both men and women make is trying to mimic what they believe would look good to someone else, leaving their home ready to please anyone but them. Avoid over-the-top, or excessively “female” decorating. A “Barbie” house or a grandma-style home filled with tchotchkes of cats, angels, bunnies and faux flowers everywhere is a fool-proof intimacy repellent!
When it comes to a well-kept home, you want to have things clean, of course, but not too clean. If your home doesn’t look lived in, it’s going to be hard for your potential mate to picture themselves in your life and feel comfortable in it. I’ve had men tell me, “Her house was too clean! The minute I walked in, I didn’t feel like I could relax or put my feet up on anything.” Most men are simple creatures who crave comfort and a safe place to hang their hat. It’s like bringing home a good, happy Labrador; he just wants to hang out in a comfortable place that’s clean, has some good food and where he can love on you and be loved back.
The bottom line is that men want to see and get a feel for your heart. Put up pictures of yourself with your girlfriends—not “girls gone wild” shots or photos from bars, but just nice pictures of you with your friends, outside, with your horse or your family—something that shows who you are and what your life is like outside of him. Do avoid excessive pictures of yourself, though, especially pictures of you with your ex—a big no-no. I have seen single women who have been divorced for years, but still have their wedding photos on display. That spells R-U-N to a potential mate!
Feeding the Heart & the Stomach
Whether they are aware of it or not, men love seeing cookbooks displayed somewhere in the kitchen, but only do this if you’ve truly used them at least once. Guys love to think that you might cook for them, or they might fantasize about cooking something together. Fresh-cut flowers in a vase and/or a bowl of fresh fruit show life and vitality. Avoid fake flowers or fake fruit. If you’re going to have it out, keep it real, just like you!
Cleanliness is critical in the kitchen, as in all other rooms of your house. Empty the garbage before your visitor arrives and clean the tabletops, counters and other surfaces. Dirty dishes in the sink and general clutter are a turnoff. Also think about what’s inside your fridge. Empty is not good, but neither is cluttered and dirty. If there’s nothing but diet foods in there, he may truly wonder if he is dealing with someone who is overly self-focused, narcissistic or has an eating disorder. The best way to attract the right man is to nurture and love yourself first, because he will be attracted to that energy. And if you are going to have a guy over, you better have some food, even if it is just an assortment of nuts and some cheese and crackers. You might also want to keep some good beer in the fridge to share.
Work It, Girl
If you have fitness equipment, don’t put it away! Even if it’s nothing but a simple yoga mat and a set of dumbbells, a guy will be turned on by these. His mind will quickly envision you on that mat in your yoga pants. That thought lasts a few seconds and then they’re off to thinking of you being healthy and doing things to strengthen your body. You don’t have to have a full fitness center, just something that shows you care about your body and about yourself.
Think tidy, neat and sunny for your bedroom and bathroom. Dark is bad, so if you have drapes or blinds, open them. Take out the trash, and for goodness sakes don’t leave any feminine stuff in your bathroom trash cans, not even boxes from shampoo or hair coloring. A few lotions and potions are okay, but not if they are covering the sink or vanity with no room for anything else. That quickly goes from “I take care of myself” to “I shop like crazy, can’t make up my mind and collect ridiculous clutter.” Scrub the toilet and tub before your date arrives, and put out fresh towels that are not stained. Remember that who and where you are in life is exactly what you will attract!
In the bedroom, having art and pictures on the walls is actually better than having nothing at all (as long as it’s not pictures of exes, parents, or other family staring down at you and your love interest). Completely bare walls give a very cold, disconnected feeling, no matter how great your bed covering is. Get rid of clutter on the night stand and leave just an alarm clock, a nicely scented candle, and maybe a good book. You absolutely do not want pictures of your parents there. The bed is your intimate space, and parents or other family should not be there for you to stare back at when doing your intimate thing!
Men also notice the books and magazines you have sitting around. They typically hate gossip magazines unless they’re looking for a quick laugh or mental release. If all they see lying around your home is nothing but gossip, what does that say about you?
I knew one client who, after several months of dating her man, had many more pictures of her beloved Siberian husky around her house than pictures of him. And she wondered why all of her boyfriends always ended up leaving her! When I asked her about the photos, she told me, “This boy has been around me longer than that one, so of course he gets more pics.” Sure, there is some relatable humor there, but unfortunately this also revealed a clear lack of ability to truly connect in an emotionally intimate way with humans. There’s nothing wrong with displaying pictures of your favorite pets. Just remember, there’s a fine line between tasteful and over the top. No photos of Fido in people clothes and please, more photos of you and your man than you and your critters!
You want to be sure that you—not your animals—are in charge of your home. If a guy comes in and sees that your place is overrun with your furry friends, he may not feel there is a place in your life for him. Men and women alike can be animal lovers, and that’s great! Notice, however, if attention is taken away from your partner in favor of your animals. Does he even have room to sit on the couch, let alone in your bed? If your animals are infringing on your—or his—personal space, it’s time to set some clear boundaries that leave room for human intimacy in your world.
The Garage, Shed or Barn
As a cowgirl, you may have a mountain bike, four-wheeler, jet ski or snowmobile in the barn, shed or garage. Or maybe it’s horse tack, hunting rifles, fishing rods, hiking boots, motorcycles, bikes or other outdoor pursuits. These will spark the imagination of your potential cowboy, and are the “adult toys” that guys find so appealing. Anything you have that reflects your genuine love of the great outdoors and your love of adventure, display it proudly.
And don’t forget to clean your car! Men cannot stand a dirty, cluttered, trashed car. They don’t like dirt and dust inside and you may even need to wash the outside once in awhile. If there are mechanical problems, that’s not always a bad thing. He may see it as his opportunity to prove he’s handy, whether that’s under the hood or with a great recommendation for a local mechanic.
Love Ready, Inside and Out
Now that we’ve taken a little love tour of your home, you can look with new eyes on the way you keep it, and how certain areas may be especially attractive to a life partner while others may be blocking you from finding love. If the laundry has been piling up or the trash is starting to smell, what does that say about how you care for yourself in life? Look at how you keep your home, your food, your body and your mind. How attractive is it to you? This is not a shame thing or a self-blame thing, but ask yourself what’s going on. Do you need to slow down? Do you need to take more time to center and connect with yourself? Get your house in order—both figuratively and literally—and you’ll communicate love readiness from the inside out. m